3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you never un-have a 4some
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize