dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
