if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
