It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
