stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
