she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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