1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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