I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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