Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
