She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
