Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
