when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize