I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
