i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
