I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
