I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
