Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
