she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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