never play flip cup with pint glasses
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
