I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
