I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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