bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
