I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
