if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
