The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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