just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
