Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
