he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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