she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
