sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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