i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
