Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
