you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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