It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
