My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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