awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
