Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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