Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
