i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
