that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
