I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
