I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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