trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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