I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
where are my eyebrows?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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