I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
