WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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