Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize