where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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