My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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