There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
