I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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