My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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