For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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