The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
