You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
