And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
