A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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