Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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