take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
