This is the prime rib incident all over again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
