We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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