We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
