he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
