Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize