how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
