WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
