take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
