I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
