my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
