I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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