dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
