You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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