Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
