What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the day after is always just damage control
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
