there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize