wakey wakey hands off snakey
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize